Monday, October 7, 2013

Taking Time to Look Around

October 7, 2013

I have been searching, inquiring, and listening for direction.  I feel like I've lost my dreams and my ambitions.  I feel lazy.  I feel like I don't want to do anything anymore, everything is just a task I have to do instead of something I'm passionate about.

I've been running full speed for quite some time, and I've come to a realization after my recent search for new direction: sometimes it's appropriate to stop and take a look around.  See what and who has been beside me this whole time, and explore the small paths leading to brilliant views that I've been skipping in hopes to get further faster. Who am I trying to impress anyway?

I feel like we're trained to please people.  If you don't please, you don't succeed.  In school, it's up to your teacher.  Even if you're doing something right or the task is subjective, you still get graded on it and you pass or fail based on what someone else has decided.  You're trained to go to college, get a degree in that thing you want to do for the rest of your life, then get a job in that field.  Can't get a job in your field?  You fail.  You find a job doing anything, then, even though you're making the bills, you're nothing.  You're defined by what you do.

Well, what if you're happy?  What then?

Who are we trying to impress when we're just living?  Finding your purpose is so much greater than finding a job that impresses other people.

I realized that I've got my head too much in this search for purpose, and I need to follow my heart.  What do I love to do?  I love to solicalize.  I love to be with my friends.  I love to hear what they're up to, to help them move, see a movie with them, talk about our latest shows, make films together, watch young people learn, help them get somewhere in something we're both passionate about.  I like to teach; I like to team up, and I like to create things that people enjoy.  I want to better myself; I want a mentor; I want someone to look up to.

Now, if I can put all those things together, I think I'll have found my direction.